musings of a wandering quaintrelle

The man with the chihuahua

There is a man in my neighborhood who looks like you. He walks a chihuahua and has bad shoes. By bad, I mean those sneakers you used to wear that only belong on the feet of boys aged nine to eleven. I see him outside my window as the placement of the sunbeams gracefully emitted into my room corresponds to the season of you, that moment in time when our paths crossed, and I can feel it all rise upon me again. The only thing missing is the morning wino breath combined with the baby smell of your neck when I placed myself creviced within you, like the rib of Adam. I see the man walking the chihuahua, though, and I can smell it.

There was a man on the rooftop next to mine, on the Lower East Side, one summer afternoon, who looked like you. He had a camera and bad sunglasses. By bad, I mean the ones that middle-aged golfers wear but don’t realize they look like creeps. For about 32 seconds, I was convinced it WAS you. You see, the man looked at me. He looked at me as I was so passionately telling my best friend via cell phone how I believed that love was like standing on a tightrope with someone, knowing full well you will fall and it will be painful but you will fall together.

I still believe that. And you, or this man rather, the man on the roof, looked at me and smiled and it was at that point I thought you may have finally understood me. And for a second, I imagined us both taking the leap, me off my building, you off your building, to embrace one another and fall straight through the crevice of brownstones on 1st street, until splat, we no longer exist in our contradictions but combine as a solid that shall be devoured by the earth and we go back to our original state where our contradictory fears don’t keep us apart. 

And I wonder now, why, in our waking life, the contradictory fears keep us apart? For what we had was a simple glimpse, a whirlwind, a mere taste of infinity, but it all dissolves under pressure. Poof, we’re in the past, holding onto pain, and recreating it. And now, I get my taste of infinity when I see the man in my neighborhood walk his chihuahua, buy groceries with his children, pick up his wife’s dry-cleaning. The moment still exists, but rather than experiencing it, I see it outside of me, simply projected into this human cohabitation. 

I met a man who looked like you one spring evening, his eyes blue like the oceans inside of me where I let him swim for a few short days before he flew away, like a bird that’s come for his gulp, his sustenance, before embarking further on his journey. I was left temporarily depleted of my resources, but in exchange for water, you gave me air. Air! And when you took off, so did I. There was no splat between first and second street months later, because you gave me wings of wisdom. And so, I hover, from east to west, and glide along with nature’s gusts, embarking into infinity in every aware moment. 

written by me. copyright, yo. 

“If I had to pick one word that would sum up what this full moon is all about, it would have to be balance! Of course other things such as relationships, beauty, and harmony, will come into it…but I can tell you this..if you are out of balance, chances are your external experiences will be reflecting it. It could also indicate that you have been so busy trying to do the Libra thing of pleasing everybody else, that you forgot yourself in the process. None of us need to be everything to everyone…we don’t expect it from others, so why should we expect if from ourselves! Areas of imbalance will be different for all of us, but the eclipse energy will help us to identify what they are, and how we can work on improving them over the next 6 months. Recurring situations in your life will usually help you to identify where some changes need to be made. This full moon is giving us the chance to journey beyond the superficial aspects of what we perceive to be beauty, and connect with ourselves and others on a deeper and more meaningful level. Connections that are fickle or have run their course will start to unravel now, while friendships and relationships that are based on mutual respect and similar outlooks will start to strengthen and blossom. These are intense times that we are experiencing, and this eclipse is giving us a chance to look at what aspects of our lives might be triggered by next week’s Cardinal Cross. Anything false, repressed or hidden will be blown out of the water…and you will learn a few home truths about yourself and others. While this may be painful, it also gives us the chance to reconcile segregated parts of ourselves, and let go of any connections that just aren’t serving us. Libra is ruled by Venus and likes to give off the image of beauty, peace, and harmony on the surface, while underneath all sorts of chaos is running rampant. What’s the point of trying to maintain an image or work or relationship status, when you are desperately unhappy underneath? It’s time to stop worrying about how things look, cast off the self judgement and fear, and start honouring how you really FEEL! Once you honour what is happening internally, your external world will start to transform-often for the better! Life wasn’t meant to be lived by someone else’s standards or opinions, so start living them by yours, and yours only. True peace and harmony can be found once we swim in the uncharted waters of our emotions, and return on the other side healed(healing) and ready to look at life with new eyes.
And once you develop this deep love for yourself, it becomes easier to share with another…and that to me, is what the Libran Moon is all about!”

—   Astrology Goddess

“We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make
assumptions about what others are doing or thinking—we take it personally—then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why when we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.”

—   Don Miguel Ruiz

“Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes.
Because for those who love with heart and soul,
There is no such thing as separation.”

—   Rumi (via apoetreflects)

(Source: fables-of-the-reconstruction, via journalofanobody)

“The First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word
The Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally
The Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions
The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best”

—   Don Miguel Ruiz

I’m an untouched diamond
That’s golden and brilliant without illumination
You’re mouth’s a constellation
Stars are in your eyes
I’ll take a spaceship
And try and go and find you

My pale blue star
My rainbow;
How good it is to know you’re like me
Strike me with your lightening
Bring me down and bury me with ashes

—   Anja Garbarek - I Won’t Hurt You
Final peek of @meinmyplace feature coming soon! By @ninebagatelles